Today's ups and downs

I'm writing this on June 30, 2010

The day started off like any other change the baby, feed her and then get myself ready for the day. If you read my previous post you will know that me and the baby have not been out for a few days because of issues with the car. Today we finally got to leave the heat of the trailer about a fourth of the roof is covered with duck tape now and we'll finish it when we have some extra money as if there really is such a thing but we'll make due. The ride was very depressing there was really no reason for me and the baby to ride along with my husband on his way to work, we have no money to go grocery shopping or anything so I just walked around the store and looked at everything we need but can't afford. I'm sure you've done that before whoever you are reading this, its a very unpleasant activity that's for sure.

After my husband got done with work we went to visit his mother to see if she had the rent to give us because we have to pay it tomorrow. She gave us enough for the space but not to keep the lights on so hopefully the lights don't go off. His mother said that was all the money that she had even though she is going to be moving into a house sometime within the month. She likes to tell everyone what a great person she is because she moved out of her home to give us one. What she doesn't tell people is that we are the ones doing her a favor by taking her shitty trailer and paying the bills for it so she can save for a real house. She never let us save money to get the hell out of here, we always owed her money for something. We actually got accepted for low income housing about three days before she moved out but because she already had most of her stuff out we decided to stay and give her a chance at getting a real house instead of this shit whole that is falling apart. In some of the rooms walls are missing and about half the rooms don't have a door. One day I will have to post some pictures of when she still had all her stuff here, it was well I'll let you chose your own words when I post the pictures. She doesn't even realize what we've done for over the last few years, she only sees how many times shes had to buy us diapers or gas for the car.We would not have a problem paying the rent right now if we would of just taken the apartment with low income because they would've lowered it when our income lowered, but if we would've moved out after she had most of her stuff out she would've had a total fit. We told her we planned on moving out when I was about six months pregnant so that I could live closer to my family and mine and the baby's doctor and she about had a come apart so we knew leaving was not an option anyways. We also paid the rent for her almost the whole time we lived with her and she can pay it part of the way for us once. My family doesn't even understand how her mind works I mean what mother charges their son rent from the time they are 14, and now she has a notebook with a list of everything we have ever borrowed from her but we have given her almost 10,000 dollars of the years so I think we have her little notebook covered and then some. Her son left school to help support her so I think she can buy a few cans of formula for us. Sorry I went off on that a little but shes just frustrating sometimes.

When we got home we got a little preview of how the rest of our month might be the lights were out, thankfully nothing in the fridge went bad before the power came back on, still haven't eaten anything today I was going to heat something up when I got home but I couldn't work the microwave with the power out obviously. It would suck to have no power.

Then finally the power came on and things started looking up. My husband does tattoos when he can and someone texted him and wanted one tonight two people actually so now we can pay the electric, I guess there weren't a lot of ups but one is better than none.

Another down is I checked my status on where or not I was gonna get medical and it says I have been automatically denied hopefully when they go through all of my paper work they will change their mind. Right now my husband is still doing tattoos so I still can't eat anything but soon I hope. I had fried potatoes around two in the morning, they where good but I would have liked to eat a little earlier than that or later however you wanna look at that.

How dark does it have to get before dawn comes?

I'm writing this on June 29, 2010

May contain some content not suitable for minors but it is still just long and boring. I want to say I did not write this to start a pissing contest. I hate that whenever someone just wants to talk about whats going on in their life the person their venting to just has to say how much worse off they are so big deal, can't people just talk without it being a contest. I know there are people worse off than I am, I know some personally but that doesn't mean that I'm not having a hard time myself.

May 3 , 2010. We went to the doctors to confirm a home pregnancy test and the results came back positive we were shocked and surprised because we had already decided not to have anymore children after what happened in the delivery room with our first child Allice. They had decided to induce me but my body did not respond well to being rushed and my placenta fragmented preventing my uterus from closing causing me to nearly bleed to death I think if I had had any other doctor I would have died. We traveled two hours for every doctors appointment just so I could have the doctor I wanted, with this baby I'm not sure that's going to be an option but I don't want to go to anyone else because if you fragment once the likely hood that you will do it again gos up dramatically so I only want to go to him. The first thing we did when we found out for sure that I was pregnant again was go to the work force office and apply for medical it has been nearly two months since and we still have not been approved so I have not been able to go back to the doctor because we can not afford another co-pay. I'm now 15 weeks and will have to go in to get more routine blood work done before my 18Th week so hopefully I am approved before then otherwise I'm not sure what I am going to do.

Then my darling husband quit his job on June 15, 2010. He has wanted to quit for awhile now and I have even encouraged him to do so when there have been better job openings available to him but he continued to stay hoping things would get better and that he would make more money and now he quits. He only believed these things would happen because that's what he was told by his manger and owner of the establishment. He was told to cut off all of his long beautiful hair and they would make him a manager he did as he was asked but he was not promoted. Next he was told that if he kept all of his piercings out until the wholes where closed up instead of just taking them out for work that he would be made a manager he did that as well and was still not promoted. They tried to strip him of who he was and that doesn't make for a very pleasant work environment. He worked there for two years and still only made $7.70 an hour. Some of the people he had trained made more than he did they all talked about it at work even though it was against policy. Some of them were even made managers how messed up is that. Its not because he wasn't a hard worker he worked there five days out of the week they were still only giving him 25 hours a week though and his other job he works seven days out of the week only 7 hours there a week he has only had this second job for about four months. Still there were people at his work that did not appreciate him and on the day he quit one of those people actually got in his face and was screaming profanities at him and this was not the first time, so he walked out he figured that was better then decking her and getting arrested. I agree but it does make things a little difficult for us. I found out he lost his job three hours after the fact when I called him to see how his day had been. He had been over to his mother's asking her for help paying rent on the trailer we just started paying rent for about three months ago. Before that we had been sharing the trailer with his mother we did that for almost two years, well if you can call cramming ourselves and all of our stuff that actually got unpacked into one room and paying her $250.00 a month to stay with her sharing. The rest of our stuff that was still boxed up went in her storage area and unfortunately we still haven't got everything unpacked. She said she would help us out so that's good but a phone call from him would have been appreciated. I would think that your wife would be the first person you told if that happened but he said he just wanted everything figured out before I freaked, I would have liked us to decided what we were going to do about it together. He then went and applied at several places before continuing home. When he arrived we filled out several more applications online and posted an online resume at the work force web site. The next day we went and applied for food assistance we couldn't apply for unemployment because he still had his second job, a whole ninety dollars a week and no money in the bank we are in for a very fun year I think and we thought we would be okay for at least the first month because at his job you are suppose to get a two year bonus check and its in the amount of two weeks work but they canceled that policy the month he would have got it. Then after we had all that done, his mother texted us to make sure we were getting everything done and to tell us that we should apply for food assistance. We are suppose to get food stamps sometime next month but there isn't much food in the house now. Unfortunately our daughter has also decided that she only wants to eat big girl food. Shes almost eleven months now and wants nothing to do with the baby food we get from WIC she still chugs the formula though. Other complications made it so I couldn't breast feed her or I would have, maybe it will work out with the next one but right now we are having to buy her five extra cans a month those things are almost thirteen dollars a piece. I just hope we have enough money to get her everything she needs and maybe something nice for her birthday, she should have fun we are just going to have a day at the park with some family, fun and affordable.

Also about three or four days ago our car started falling apart on the inside all the roofing was coming out and getting all over our clothes, in our eyes, and burning our longs so not a good thing. We had to rip it all out and when we have the money we are going to cover the roof with duck tape on the inside so none of whats left gets in the air. Since it started falling apart me and the baby haven't been in the car but my husband has to get to work some how so he just wears a bandanna over his face to help keep the debris out of his lungs. The car is a 83 Mercury, so I guess its doing good for its age but we so need a new car this one breaks down all the time. It was even leaking carbon monoxide fumes into the cab when we first got it, his mom lent us the money to get the exhaust fixed. We have paid her back for that thankfully. To bad she wont loan us the money to get the air conditioning fixed these summer months are gonna suck. All of our family lives about two hours away so visiting them is not going to be the funnest road trip if we can even afford to visit, this car loves gas.

Then today one of our two coolers in our very hot trailer broke down this morning, the thing that just tipped it and made me need to let it all out there's more but the other stuff would be to much for me to go into right now. Maybe I'll post again not sure I don't usually like to talk about my problems at all but you can only fill a glass so far before it starts to spill. In a few days our rent is due and our phone bill that's a total of about $650.00 and right now we have none, how do you get that much money in a few days. We may lose our phone service we haven't had TV for two years and we may be asked to leave our space and there is no way we can move this trailer without it breaking to pieces if we even had anywhere to move it. I'm glad I got all this out I actually do fill a little better.