How dark does it have to get before dawn comes?

I'm writing this on June 29, 2010

May contain some content not suitable for minors but it is still just long and boring. I want to say I did not write this to start a pissing contest. I hate that whenever someone just wants to talk about whats going on in their life the person their venting to just has to say how much worse off they are so big deal, can't people just talk without it being a contest. I know there are people worse off than I am, I know some personally but that doesn't mean that I'm not having a hard time myself.

May 3 , 2010. We went to the doctors to confirm a home pregnancy test and the results came back positive we were shocked and surprised because we had already decided not to have anymore children after what happened in the delivery room with our first child Allice. They had decided to induce me but my body did not respond well to being rushed and my placenta fragmented preventing my uterus from closing causing me to nearly bleed to death I think if I had had any other doctor I would have died. We traveled two hours for every doctors appointment just so I could have the doctor I wanted, with this baby I'm not sure that's going to be an option but I don't want to go to anyone else because if you fragment once the likely hood that you will do it again gos up dramatically so I only want to go to him. The first thing we did when we found out for sure that I was pregnant again was go to the work force office and apply for medical it has been nearly two months since and we still have not been approved so I have not been able to go back to the doctor because we can not afford another co-pay. I'm now 15 weeks and will have to go in to get more routine blood work done before my 18Th week so hopefully I am approved before then otherwise I'm not sure what I am going to do.

Then my darling husband quit his job on June 15, 2010. He has wanted to quit for awhile now and I have even encouraged him to do so when there have been better job openings available to him but he continued to stay hoping things would get better and that he would make more money and now he quits. He only believed these things would happen because that's what he was told by his manger and owner of the establishment. He was told to cut off all of his long beautiful hair and they would make him a manager he did as he was asked but he was not promoted. Next he was told that if he kept all of his piercings out until the wholes where closed up instead of just taking them out for work that he would be made a manager he did that as well and was still not promoted. They tried to strip him of who he was and that doesn't make for a very pleasant work environment. He worked there for two years and still only made $7.70 an hour. Some of the people he had trained made more than he did they all talked about it at work even though it was against policy. Some of them were even made managers how messed up is that. Its not because he wasn't a hard worker he worked there five days out of the week they were still only giving him 25 hours a week though and his other job he works seven days out of the week only 7 hours there a week he has only had this second job for about four months. Still there were people at his work that did not appreciate him and on the day he quit one of those people actually got in his face and was screaming profanities at him and this was not the first time, so he walked out he figured that was better then decking her and getting arrested. I agree but it does make things a little difficult for us. I found out he lost his job three hours after the fact when I called him to see how his day had been. He had been over to his mother's asking her for help paying rent on the trailer we just started paying rent for about three months ago. Before that we had been sharing the trailer with his mother we did that for almost two years, well if you can call cramming ourselves and all of our stuff that actually got unpacked into one room and paying her $250.00 a month to stay with her sharing. The rest of our stuff that was still boxed up went in her storage area and unfortunately we still haven't got everything unpacked. She said she would help us out so that's good but a phone call from him would have been appreciated. I would think that your wife would be the first person you told if that happened but he said he just wanted everything figured out before I freaked, I would have liked us to decided what we were going to do about it together. He then went and applied at several places before continuing home. When he arrived we filled out several more applications online and posted an online resume at the work force web site. The next day we went and applied for food assistance we couldn't apply for unemployment because he still had his second job, a whole ninety dollars a week and no money in the bank we are in for a very fun year I think and we thought we would be okay for at least the first month because at his job you are suppose to get a two year bonus check and its in the amount of two weeks work but they canceled that policy the month he would have got it. Then after we had all that done, his mother texted us to make sure we were getting everything done and to tell us that we should apply for food assistance. We are suppose to get food stamps sometime next month but there isn't much food in the house now. Unfortunately our daughter has also decided that she only wants to eat big girl food. Shes almost eleven months now and wants nothing to do with the baby food we get from WIC she still chugs the formula though. Other complications made it so I couldn't breast feed her or I would have, maybe it will work out with the next one but right now we are having to buy her five extra cans a month those things are almost thirteen dollars a piece. I just hope we have enough money to get her everything she needs and maybe something nice for her birthday, she should have fun we are just going to have a day at the park with some family, fun and affordable.

Also about three or four days ago our car started falling apart on the inside all the roofing was coming out and getting all over our clothes, in our eyes, and burning our longs so not a good thing. We had to rip it all out and when we have the money we are going to cover the roof with duck tape on the inside so none of whats left gets in the air. Since it started falling apart me and the baby haven't been in the car but my husband has to get to work some how so he just wears a bandanna over his face to help keep the debris out of his lungs. The car is a 83 Mercury, so I guess its doing good for its age but we so need a new car this one breaks down all the time. It was even leaking carbon monoxide fumes into the cab when we first got it, his mom lent us the money to get the exhaust fixed. We have paid her back for that thankfully. To bad she wont loan us the money to get the air conditioning fixed these summer months are gonna suck. All of our family lives about two hours away so visiting them is not going to be the funnest road trip if we can even afford to visit, this car loves gas.

Then today one of our two coolers in our very hot trailer broke down this morning, the thing that just tipped it and made me need to let it all out there's more but the other stuff would be to much for me to go into right now. Maybe I'll post again not sure I don't usually like to talk about my problems at all but you can only fill a glass so far before it starts to spill. In a few days our rent is due and our phone bill that's a total of about $650.00 and right now we have none, how do you get that much money in a few days. We may lose our phone service we haven't had TV for two years and we may be asked to leave our space and there is no way we can move this trailer without it breaking to pieces if we even had anywhere to move it. I'm glad I got all this out I actually do fill a little better.